Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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