Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
