My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
