ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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