May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
