you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
