Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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