I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How's work?
Spinning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
