Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
