I am in a vortex of obligation.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
