addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
