there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
