well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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