So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
