he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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