i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
