Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
