I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
