he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
