he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
