girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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