having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
True strength comes from lack of pants
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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