you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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