I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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