That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
