I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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