O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
They have beer where we have blood.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
