My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
