i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
