Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
