u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
