; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
