my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
