Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
