he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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