Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He better not be in your backpack
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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