I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
