Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
