so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
