She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
