I'm going to jail i love you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
