well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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