At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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