I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
