Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
