I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
