2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
