Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
