so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
