You can't motorboat a personality
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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