I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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