Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
