U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
